An Ode to Fenway (Dogs)

    

    My dog passed away recently. I know what the fuck Corbin this is a site about rants and sex jokes, but I wanna talk about it a little so sit down and shut up.

    

    I feel like dogs are talked about SO much that at this point it is over the top. It seems like every goddamn millennial with some disposable income now has a “pupper” or a “doggo” or what ever cringe ass word they came up with to call their dog. But that love had to have started somewhere? Right? 

    

    It makes sense that dogs have been blow up to the god damn moon over any other pet. Just look up some of the infinite stories of dogs saving their humans, caring for a sick kid, or making someone’s day better. Wanna cry for an hour today? Google dog loosing owner at grave. Tear Duct City. All of these make dogs look like superhero’s (rightfully).

    But even if your dog isn’t a crime fighting canine they spend their ENTIRE lives trying to make you happy. Did you know that the reason dogs like fetch so much is because they think that you lost that ball and they were able to get it back for you? That is unbelievable. You ever try and fetch with a cat? They look at you like you have 6 heads. “This motherfucker wants me to get that stupid ass ball for them? Moron.” That is the dog difference.

    

    If you haven’t noticed already I hate the cultural obsession with dogs cause its all god damn true it just looks so fucking stupid. I saw a quote on Facebook the other day,  don’t shit on me I have to go through Facebook to run instagram ads, anyways it said something along the lines of (“You may have many different dogs in your life, but to each dog you are their only family.”). This being shared by a 45 year old divorcee makes me wanna throw up on a toddler, but what makes it even worse is that when you think about it its true. They get one life and its all dependent on you. They truly are your best friend.

    

    Man I grew up with my dog. I was a terrible kid I mean constantly in trouble type of kid and who was there tail waggin tongue lickin? My dog. I could have pants my heavily overweight French teacher gotten expelled and punched my sister in the face and that damn thing would be the happiest fucker that I just walked through the door. 

    I miss my dog. I may always miss my dog. There was some sort of special bond that was formed and may never be broken. If you are reading this with a dog you know what I am talking about and I really hope that you are taking full advantage of that. 

    In conclusion <— my 5th grade teacher would HATE that. I despise the fact that dogs are so blown up by millennials and single mothers, because they truly are the best thing in this world and should be treated as such, but in a cool way with treats and belly rubs and shit. Not with shitty tshirts and posts about how much you love being covered in dog hair..weirdo